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Friday, September 19, 2008

Pls Answer These ......

1. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

2. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

3. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do Bars have parking lots?

4. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Murali Vs Darrel Hare

Never go to HR for Help

After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation. The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; my friend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.

Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366

Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours

Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.

Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e . 1/3(one third)

Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)


Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir

Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days

Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days,
How many days do you now have?

Man:- 18 days.

Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year.
Now remove that 14 days from the 18 days left.

How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days

Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!


Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday)?
Man:- No sir!

Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!

Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!


Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!

Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realize that I was stealing Company money all these days.

Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!

HR = HIGH RISK

Mervin & Sirasa

Dangers of Women Wrestling


D

Why Newton Commited Suicide ??

Why Newton Committed Suicide?

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies
that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics
were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an
extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes..................................


1)Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the
doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent.In one of the fights,
our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet
passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured!
Long Live Rajanikanth!!! (Rajanikanth is a legendary South Indian Actor)


2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3
gangsters.Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a
knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster?
& shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2
pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle
gangster & the knife kills the middle one.


3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a
revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in
your remotest imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster
shoots,Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and
catches the bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.
Bang... the gangster dies...



This was too much for our Newton to take! He was completely
shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie
for one last time, and thought that at least one movie would follow his theory of
physics.The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the
world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!



The 'climax' finally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that
the villain is on the other side of a very high wall. So high that
Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of those superman techniques that
our heroes normally use. Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain
because it's the climax.

(Newton Bhai is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He
throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the
height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air.
The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.


Newton commits suicide...........

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

We Lankans Never say no

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate was Sompala Pathirana a Sinhalese living in USA.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know JAVA programming to leave the hall. 2000 people left the room. Soma says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try.

Then Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people left the room.. Soma says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people left the room. Soma says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat language to leave. 498 people left the room. Soma says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined the two and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who have all the required qualifications & experience I am looking for and speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

and......

Calmly, Soma turns to the other candidate and says `Kohomada Machang?

The other candidate answers ' Ammata Hudu....umbath Lankavenda??